For those of you following my blog that don't already know - I have reached the end of my chemo treatments, which have been successful (and incredibly challenging), and am now on the road to recovery. ******Pause for a celebratory dance********
So I thought I'd take a minute to reflect on some of the lessons I have learned on this journey through the battlefield of cancer.
1. I am not the world's most disciplined blogger. I set out to at least chronicle my journey on a weekly basis. Oh well, sporadic as it was, the blog provided a means for me to vent, mull over, and digest what was happening to me during one of the most trying periods of my adult years and it kept me connected to others so I didn't totally shut down emotionally.
2. I did not survive cancer because I am strong or have incredible faith - I survived cancer because God gave me strength and because He is faithful. There were plenty of times when I just did not have it in me to believe that I would ever be cured of this disease or that I would even be able to physically make it through one more treatment, but thankfully it wasn't about my belief level. I know that there were so many people praying and believing for me. I just had to rest in the knowledge that God was and is bigger than cancer and He had the situation under control. The burden was not on my shoulders, but on His.
3. I am loved beyond belief. My family, friends, neighbors, co-workers all poured out love in such amazing and humbling displays that I am still at a loss for words as to how to thank them properly. I can only promise to try to do the same for anyone I know when they go through difficulties.
4. Surrender is not easy, or pleasant, but it is necessary. I had to surrender in so many different ways - control of my kitchen (which if you know me may have been one of the hardest things I have ever done), control of my situation, control in general - but if I had tried to maintain control, especially of the unnecessary things that may have seemed important at the time, I would have just drained myself of the little energy I had.
I know I learned a lot more, but I'll reflect on those things as they come to me. What I know right now is that I am grateful. Grateful to be finished with chemo. Grateful to have had such amazing support. Grateful to be getting stronger each day and slowly reclaiming pieces of my life. Grateful to be alive.
I saw this on a sign at my follow-up appointment at Sloan last week. It was in a bathroom that I used each time I went for treatment, but it had never been there until this last time.
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot destroy peace,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot suppress memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot steal eternal life,
It cannot conquer the Spirit.
I'd say that about sums up what I have learned.
