Sing a song

This week's musings have been a little harder to put into words for me, but here goes.

Last week's in-patient treatment was one of the hardest to date.  I entered the hospital on Tuesday, October 11th, feeling pretty week and discouraged.  I had spent all of Monday in pain with one of the worst back-aches of my life and it left me feeling depleted.  I asked my husband, Ray, to take the day off and go into the city with me rather than having a friend take me.  I just needed him - and to his credit - he knew it and made me feel like I was the most important thing in his day.

Turns out it was a good thing he was with me.  We found out that I had a bacterial infection in my gut (just your run of the mill bacteria that had gotten out of hand) so I was moved to an isolation room and chemo was delayed.  I wasn't sure how many days I would have to be in the hospital, but I knew it was more days than I wanted to be there.  There were plenty of tears and I just felt defeated.  Frankly I am sick and tired of chemo.   I am tired of having my body rebel against it's intended purpose.  I am tired of weak muscles, nausea, sore bones, daily injections, multiple medications, and I am really tired of my bald head.

As I slept in the hospital that night, it came as no surprise to God how I was feeling.  And just as I have said, even when I may not always feel it, He is Faithful.  My friend, Michele, sent me a text at 2:12a.m.  She later told me that she had planned to text earlier but didn't want to wake me if I was sleeping, but just couldn't sleep until she sent the text.    It was a text of encouragement.  It contained these words from Isaiah 54:10, "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed."  She also reminded me that I was not alone even though I was in isolation and that I was surrounded in prayer.  This text was a life-line.  So many have been thrown out to me just when I need them most in this journey.

I spent the next hour and half just knowing that God was very much with me and He had not forgotten where I was.  I stood against discouragement and defeat (well actually I was laying down, but you know what I mean) and invited the Lord to just fill my hospital room with His presence and peace.  So are you wondering yet when I'm tying in this whole singing title to my blog with what I'm actually writing?  Here's the connection.  After I read the text and talked things over with the Lord, I just felt like He put song after song in my heart to sing.  The first one came out in a very soft, cracked, tear-filled voice.  I could barely get through it.  I mean, praise is not an easy thing when you're in this place; but as I sang each song that came to my memory I began to feel such a tremendous release and peace.  It was when I began to sing an old hymn, "Blessed Assurance," that I really got the message of what God was doing for me.  Here are the words to the verse that meant the most to me:
"Perfect submission, all is at rest
I in my Savior am happy and blest
Watching and waiting, looking above
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

This is my story, this is my song
Praising my Savior all the day long.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long."

I would not have chosen this as my story.  I would not have penned these words to be part of my song, but God, in His infinite wisdom, has entrusted me with this and I will sing it out for all to hear.  My voice may crack and the tears may flow down my face, but I will sing the song and share the story that He is writing as long as He gives me breath.