Option #2: Think, Ruminate, Ponder

I am reminded of a catchy little ditty sung by Steve and later Joe of Blue's Clues, "...You just sit down in your thinking chair and think, think, think."  Those of you with children that were one time Blue's Clues fans are no doubt humming along - for this I apologize.

When waiting, and all else fails you, think.  Think about what you are waiting for.  Think about what you will do when you are no longer waiting.  Think about whether it's better to wait some more or just get it over with.  There's a whole lotta thinkin' to do.

Today my thoughts have caught up with me.  This usually happens as blood tests and appointments draw near.  I go for my blood test tomorrow and then meet with my oncologist on Tuesday, where I will endure a whole other dimension of waiting - that will have to be blogged on later.

So today I am thinking, pondering, ruminating (add your own synonym here).  I'm not trying to run away from my thoughts because after this many years of waiting I know that these next few days it's just a given that I will be preoccupied with thoughts of lab results and potential outcomes.  I may plan a little, I'll probably be a little on-edge (although I've promised my incredibly patient husband that I will try my best not to take it out on those around me), and I'll be a little quieter than my usual chatty self.  Thinking does that to you.  It quiets you down.

 I will not, however, allow my thoughts of what the next few days and not-to-distant future holds drag me down into a pit of despair.  For I know that somewhere in the midst of this waiting, God is at work and on the other side of all of this I will have a better perspective on what His purpose has been.  That's one thought I don't trouble myself with...why?  I can't fathom the why, but I have complete confidence in the one who can.  I trust Him with my whys.  In fact, I'll add that to my things to think about today:  He is faithful and just like any loving parent (He is Father after all) He wants what's best for me.

Hey, I think I just discovered a clue.