Realize nothing has been left to chance

This week has been a good one.  Other than some pain in my hips and legs (a result of my bone marrow production being forced into overdrive by my daily injections) I have been able to function at my new normal levels.  This means I've been able to get up each morning, get my kids ready for the day and off to school, then come home and rest with the occasional burst of energy required to make myself something to eat or finally put my kids dirty clothes in their hamper instead of the living room floor.

My HCG levels have dropped to 23 and will hopefully reach 5 by next week or very shortly thereafter.  Once they're at 5 then I'm down to my final 6 rounds of chemo.  My white blood cell count is up to 3.5 - still considered low but a heck of a lot better than the 0.5 I was at just 2 weeks ago.  My veins have actually improved over the last 2 rounds, which is only attributable to the power of prayer, because that just doesn't happen.  This leads me to the title for today's blog.  It was something I heard in a Beth Moore dvd series that I've been watching.  She stated that as a child of God we can be certain that nothing in our lives has been left to chance.  We may come through some incredibly difficult times but we can be assured that none of the rough things we have experienced will be wasted.  I can say that I agree whole-heartedly.

Now, whether you believe the way I believe or not, let me explain why I believe this.  This is not the first difficult journey I have made in my life.  In fact, when posed the question, what was the year that changed your life? I would have to answer 1990-1991.  That was the year I was 15 and my world turned upside down.  I don't mind sharing with anyone who reads this that it was the year I was raped by an acquaintance.  I was not held at gunpoint, I was not beaten, I was given a spiked drink, naive and scared.  I struggled and finally, wearily gave up as he took advantage of me.  The idea of "date rape" was a fairly new concept at that time and even though the man who did this to me was over the age of 21 and I was a minor, I did not seek legal recourse.  Sadly, my parents were out of  the country when all of this happened so I did not have them to lean on or to defend me.  For that's what it was at the time, defending my actions to prove I had not deserved what happened to me.  I share this story only to highlight that at the age of 15 I could not possibly see how any good could ever come out of this situation.  I did, however, have something in my heart prompt me to utter the prayer to God, "If you can ever bring something good out of this, then it will have been worth it."

I have seen God do just that over the last 21 years.  He has brought beauty out of the ashes.  He has used my  experience and His healing of my life to speak to several different girls that had gone through similar things.  He has given me the courage to be vulnerable and share things many of us try to keep hidden because shame has taken its toll; and in being vulnerable it has opened a door for others to walk through.  God redeemed what appeared to be an irredeemable event and has used it for not just my good, but the good of others.

I share this to say that just as a 15 year-old girl could not begin to see how God could use a potentially devastating experience for good; could not glimpse 21 years into the future; this 36 year-old woman has no idea just what God's plans are for the journey I am on now, but I know they are for my good and for the benefit of others.  I have come to know him as my Redeemer.  I trust Him with the situations that seem to be left to chance because He has proven time and again, that if I will allow Him to use my pain He will turn it into something far more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.  Just wait and see.