Two Months Out

I can very happily say that I am two months post-chemo and feeling like my old self again.  Actually, scratch that, my "old self" went through too much and has emerged as a new and improved self.

I have maintained an hcg level of ZERO, yep that right Z-E-R-O since January and I'm loving my cancer-free life!  So, if I'm finally cancer-free how can I continue to blog under the heading "What to do while you wait?".  I'm so glad asked, it's because for the next 3 years I will be in follow-up mode with my oncologist at Sloan Kettering.  For the first year I go back once a month for labwork and a little chat, then we'll cut back to once every three months for the next two years.  Now this waiting is altogether different from my prior waiting because each time I go I am not dreading the news, but it is waiting nonetheless.

In my last post I blogged about lessons I had learned.  I am still learning new lessons everyday.  My newest lesson is on bringing hard-won hope back to the very battleground I survived.  With the help of a small group from my church, I will be returning to Sloan Kettering on my next follow-up appointment (March 6th) with a donation for the hospital. As a patient I came to see the great need for hope.  Hope is imperative in the fight against cancer.  So hope we will deliver.  We're donating hope-filled, inspirational books, dvds, and other goodies such as board games, scarves, lotions, and encouraging notes to the patients, as well as thank-you notes for the nursing staff.  I'm looking forward to walking back onto the 10th floor - when I left the last time it was in a wheelchair and with a walker to take home. I will get to present the items to the wonderful staff who made my time there bearable.  In particular I am excited to visit the patients in the isolation rooms (where I spent quite a bit of time), bring them balloons, hope-in-a-jar (moisturizer from philosophy) and encourage them that if I could get through this, so can they.

I realized yesterday that in my next 3 years of waiting I have been given a unique opportunity to make hope-drops each time I go in for an appointment.  As I wrote in earlier blogs, God entrusted me with a story I did not request, but now that being a cancer survivor is a part of my story I plan on sharing the hope that He gave me in the midst of it all.

Even as my body goes about the work of repairing itself and my hair grows back in, I do not want to forget what it was like to be in that place of extreme weakness.  The place where I had no choice but to depend on God for strength to make it through each day.

My most challenging lesson yet may be to continue surrendering control of my life even though my strength is being restored.  It's a good thing I trust my Teacher completely.