Today I returned to Sloan Kettering for my 7-month follow up appointment and monthly labs. Each month, as I go for blood work, I once again enter the waiting room - this month it was the physical waiting room of Sloan - but no matter where I am, the 24-hours leading up to the labs and the time I spend waiting for my results to appear on the patient portal, I am holding my breath.
Why do I hold my breath? I've been feeling great. My strength and hair have returned. In fact, I am sporting an ultra-long 3 inches of hair currently - which for a cancer survivor is an achievement, I assure you. I've been taking the stinking magnesium supplement that my mother frequently reminds me I should be taking (I have one of those geriatric large print pill sorters on my counter to keep me on task). But in spite of my steadily improving health, I still get a little antsy with the waiting...
Waiting in traffic to get into New York City...
Waiting with all the other patients to get in to see the doctor...
Waiting for my name to be called so I can schedule my next 2 months of lab work and my next appointment in 3 months...
Waiting in traffic to get out of New York City...
Waiting for my results to get posted online so I can finally stop WAITING!
You would think that by now the waiting would have gotten easier; and in a sense, it has. That's because I am no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop. That shoe hit the floor with a resounding thud last August and life has not been the same since. Now the waiting is just a little bit of a held breath. A little bit of reassuring myself that everything is fine - that if something were wrong I wouldn't be feeling this good. It's knowing that I am healthy, but just needing to see the numbers confirm it so I can release that breath and get back to normal, everyday life.
So, the numbers are in and they are good. I can happily say that I am now 7 months cancer-free. In fact, it felt so good to type it that I'll do it again. I AM SEVEN MONTHS CANCER-FREE! (clearly the all caps indicates my joyous, shout-it-from-the-rooftops declaration)
Now back to living and breathing and not letting little niggling doubts creep up and try to rob me of any of this victory. I celebrate my hair and all its returned cowlicks. I celebrate being able to squat and get up without muscle-fatigue causing me to crumple to the floor. I celebrate all of the things that cancer tried to rob me of but could not take from me. I celebrate getting through one more day of waiting.
Oh, and the real kicker in today's wait - after faithfully taking all of those stinking magnesium pills in my I-am-too-young-to-have-one-of-these pill sorters, they didn't even bother to check my magnesium levels today. One more thing to celebrate!
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